the curse of the second child

As much as I swore it wouldn't happen, Kynlea suffers from 2nd child syndrome. It's first obvious when you walk into our home and see a mini shrine to Emi, and only a few pictures of Kynlea (usually the professional, matted, huge ones-because we were trying to make up for the fact that it had been a year since her last picture). Every month, or in some cases week, of Emi's first 5 years of life is documented in pictures...Kynlea, not so much. I could easily say this is because Emi loves getting pictures and Kynlea hates it, but there is more proof.

By the time Emi was 2, she was already in a dance class, by 3, she was taking three of them. She's also in soccer. Kynlea is three and has yet to be enrolled in anything. We are so stinking busy with Tyler and Emi, I can't even find the time to get Kyns signed up, let alone to a practice or a game.

But most telling is just by looking at her. Emi never left the house without a bow in her perfectly brushed hair, and earrings that matched her perfectly coordinated and ironed outfit. I'm lucky if Kynlea gets her face washed and her teeth brushed some mornings!

Here's how things have changed:
Emi-always had cute, matching clothes, with zippers and buttons, with no thought to how difficut it is to get her in and out of said outfit...Kynlea-is lucky to get pants that match her shirt, and long gone are any zippers.
Emi-I would buy $30 jeans and not bat an eye, even though I knew she would outgrow them in 3 months...Kynlea-I wait for a 2 for $22 sale at Childrens place, even though she's been the same size for over a year.
Every morning Emi's clothes were perfectly ironed...Kynlea is lucky if hers come off a hanger.
Emi-had earrings that matched her outfit every day...Kynlea is still wearing the studs that her ears were pierced with three years ago.
Emi had the best selection of shoes...Kyns has tinkerbelle AND ariel flipflops
Emi had at least a zillion bows....Ok, so does Kynlea-in this area I haven't slacked

I had this epipahny this morning as I was picking out Kynlea's clothes for the day and stumbled upon a hand me down skirt from Emi that needed to be ironed. I wondered if Kynlea would grow up feeling neglected and think that I don't care as much as I did when Emi was little. And then I thought, it's not so much a case of caring less, but more about deciding what is really important this time around. Granted, Kynlea doesn't always look like a Gymboree poster child, but she is still loved like crazy and I haven't slacked on the quality things. So when she grows up and asks why there are no pictures of her or why she doesn't have a ton of baby earrings to pass on to her girls, I will tell her that I was more secure in being a mom this time around and worried less about the details, and instead focused on just enjoying the small amount of time we have together before I have to send her out into the world.

And just for today, I ironed the skirt and she's wearing it-even though her earrings and shoes don't match :-D

SAY WHAT?

I had my first taste of "what kind of craptastic mother are you?" last night and I gotta tell you, I'm not a fan :-D

Kynlea is three, and is ALMOST potty trained. She's dry most nights, and can stay dry during the day when she chooses...Kynlea does everything as she chooses. I admit, maybe I should be a little bit tougher on her, but who am I kidding, she is my baby, and as hard as I try not to "baby" her, I still do. Plus, I just don't fight every battle with her, if I did, I would have time for nothing else. So, yes, she is three, and not 100% potty trained-Deal with it ;-)

When I had Emi, I was a freak. I read the books, and made it my goal that she hit every milestone well ahead of schedule. She slept through the night by 6 weeks, she walked at 9 months, she was off the bottle at 10 months. She is a genius child-I'm not gonna lie :-D. Potty training her was a bit rough, but that was my fault-I thought I could potty train her by her first bday-THAT totally backfired and she wouldn't go near at potty for a year. But in true Emi fashion, she had her last potty accident the night before third birthday-Emi does everything in grand fashion, it makes remembering milestones easy ;)

With Kynlea, I have been much more relaxed, maybe because she is my baby, maybe it's because I have so much going on, or maybe it's because I am a bit scared of her...it's probably a little of all of it. But honestly, I have stuggled with the fact that she won't be consistant on the potty. I have searched the internet and books for ideas, I have bribed, begged, pleaded, and threatened her. But finally, I let it go and reminded myself that eventually ALL kids pee in the potty.

So last night, I dropped her off at church so we can do Wed night bible study. This is the first time we've done bible study at this church, so I wasn't sure where to take her. I walked past a room with what looked like babies, so I proceeded to the big kid room, where I was promply greated by a "lady". She asked how old Kynlea was, and if she was potty trained. I replyed that she just turned three, and was about 80 % but had a pullup on and would go if she was reminded. This "lady" proceeded to tell me that "the BABIES are in the other room, and that they only accept BIG GIRLS in this room!"

Oh no she didn't!!! I gotta tell you, it's a good thing I was in church!

So here is my thought. Why are we, as moms, so worried about our kids being just like every other kid? Why do we think of ourselves as bad moms if our kids don't comform? And why in the world, do women feel the need to judge other women, instead of being encouraging and warm?

As angry as I was at this woman-and believe me I was furious, it made me think...do I say things that make my mommy friends feel less than adequate? Do I look at kids and think something is wrong if they don't do exactly what I would want them to? I hope I don't and I am very sorry if I have. I learned a valuable lesson last night from that "lady". I will try much harder to be a supportive mommy friend from here on out...

God works in mysterious ways!