I hate today-REALLY hate today. I wish I could just skip July 28th. It's been 5 years since we lost my dad and it doesn't get easier. I can handle father's day, his birthday, and every holiday, but I HATE HATE HATE this day. There are a million happy memories that I have of my dad on every other day, but not today. This day was the worst day of my life-hands down. It completely sucked-BAD!

There is a reason why Kynlea was born on July 27th-because I wasn't about to risk her bday being today. They say that it gets easier as the years pass, but I don't agree. Every year I watch my kids grow and ache inside that their papa gene is missing it. I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm hurt-and I'm NOT over it!!!

Shon's dad called yesterday to wish Kynlea a happy birthday-Shon's dad has never met any of our children, has never met me, and hasn't seen shon in almost 30 years-he's nuts, he's a mess, he's not at all a good roll model...yet he calls every birthday and tells us he loves us, that he wants to meet his grandkids, and that he's sorry. I know that Shon is angry, and I'm sure there is major hurt that I can't even begin to understand, but I just don't understand how the man that is so loving to me and our kids, can act like he doesn't even have a dad-because I would give anything to have mine back. I just don't get it and it breaks my heart.

I really do try to be a positive, understanding person. I try to be sympathetic to people that don't have the relationship that I had with my dad and that I have with my mom. I try not to judge or pretend to know better than they do. But today I am not understanding and sympathetic. Today I am angry and bitter and don't understand. I will be better tomorrow and not pass judgement on those who CHOOSE to not talk to their parents. But not today. Any day but today.